Disclaimer: About This Blog

THIS BLOG IS: my personal journey of how I am rethinking some of my spiritual beliefs.
THIS BLOG IS NOT: intended to point fingers at people who I think are wrong.
I do not believe the final judgement will be based on how many correct answers we get on a theology exam. I believe many people throughout history have had genuine relationships with our Lord and Saviour Jesus, despite holding questionable beliefs and practices. I make no claim to having it all figured out or being your judge. If we end up disagreeing over these topics I pray we can find a way to demonstrate grace.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Feeling Alone

I'm feeling alone today. I know that I am not.  But I can't help feeling that way.

I know it's largely my fault.  I'm not surprised.  I put a lot of different thoughts out there. Sometimes I am pretty blunt.  I doubt there is anyone on the planet that agrees with everything I write about.

So I think people respond to me with a bit of hesitation at best.

But I know I'm not alone. On every topic I discuss, I know there are others that are coming to similar conclusions.  Many of these people are highly respected writers, theologians and brothers and sisters.

Yet in my world, I feel alone.

I have enough good friends that I am thankful for. In that way I don't feel alone.

However when it comes to the matters of faith that I am sorting through, I don't think most of my friends understand me.  I've gotten enough blank stares and silence. So I tend to avoid talking about these things in public.

I put myself out there. I am open to dialog.  I am not judging you, or assuming you need to agree with everything I say.

I don't even think everyone needs to engage in these topics. If you have a simple faith - keep it and guard it.  In many ways my simple faith is growing... I am seeing a lot of things simpler... but the journey there hasn't been simple.

I blog my journey for myself - it forces me to work through topics with some level of credibility.

I also blog to to encourage those who are students of Scripture to take a second look at the teachings of Jesus.

That is mostly what my journey has been about, and I have found it to be overall good for my soul.

But I know that it's not good to be alone.


Pat said...

Hi- our pastor was at revival fellowship conf. this week- TVThomas was a speaker--most churches are not kingdom churches now- pastor feels he's on the right track but knows there are not many who are.. you are not alone...in other countries, asia...many are accepting the lord but not here...
we had such a close family time in church- drawn together in love,,,and now we go away for a month..but Loralee wants us to come so this is good...we'll keep you posted on our trip.. love, Mom

Lysa Humildad said...

I have (still am) experienced the same thing in my journey.
Quite a while back, during a particularly lonely time, the Lord told me that He was allowing the "alone" time to show (teach) me two things.
First He asked me if He was truly enough for me. If I was left with nothing or anyone but Him, would He be enough for me?
On the flip side of that (because my answer to the first question was yes and because in my alone time, He proved to be enough for me), He showed me how I had actually pulled away from people. Then He reminded me that He created us for relationship; not only with Him, but with others. He has done some major healing in my heart and is (continually) teaching me how to truly Love as He Loves. And to Love as He does is often a lonely task...because to Love as He loves means that I do so whether that love is reciprocated or not. It means that I continue to Love those who misunderstand me, mistreat me, lie to me, lie about me, hurt me, etc...
I don't know if this even remotely touches on what you're feeling, but I did feel that I was supposed to share it.
Keep on keeping on as Holy Spirit leads and leave the results to Him.
All He desires is obedience/relationship and it seems to me that that is exactly what you are doing.
Peace & prayers brother!

Jonathan said...

Thanks Mom. :) Love ya.

Jonathan said...

Thanks Lysa, that does touch on what I'm feeling.

I think today's feelings of being alone prompted us to get our act together and put in motion something we've been supposed to be doing for awhile. Sorry this is vague for now, but I feel some growth is happening.

I need to accept the reality that I won't be accepted as an equal brother in certain settings. But I trust God has a plan for me, and He may be nudging us to action soon.

Al said...

It can certainly be a challenge sometimes, whether to bob with the other little boats in the current, or to continue on, charting a new course.

But you really can't go back again, even if it means losing some of the friends you have known.

I really like when you say: "I am seeing a lot of things simpler... but the journey there hasn't been simple." I so resonate with what you are saying.

In your visible circle of friends, you may feel alone, but there are many out in the universe that have already joined your journey. And we appreciate your company.

Jonathan said...

Thanks Al for both encouraging comments.

Lysa Humildad said...

amen, Al! Well said!

Lysa Humildad said...

Our God works in amazing ways!
Can't wait to see what comes next in your journey!

Brian said...

I feel this way often. Some people even joke with me trying to start my own cult or something like that. I don't think it would be possible to go back after looking at things so different now. I keep asking is it possible that mankind has repeated the same mistake as the Pharisees made with the Old Covenant. It seems that we are naturally good at complicating things.